Hi all...Esther here.
I returned from a wonderful trip to Israel last week and am finally getting back to regular life, including updating this blog. I had a great week of study at the Hartman Institute in Jerusalem as part of a special program for campus professionals (basically Hillel folks). This is the first year that the program was offered, so it was an elite group, 15 of us, and we will get together again via webinars every 2 weeks during the school year and again in person in St Louis (August), New York (January) and Jerusalem (next July).
I came home around 5am and the boys (including Mordy) were thrilled to see me when they woke up. Ann, my mother-in-law, had been staying at the house, and she went home that night. The boys also slept at my mother's for 2 nights while I was gone. I am very grateful to my mother and mother-in-law for watching the boys and making it possible for me to go to Israel.
Mordy improved while I was away. He has several updates about his condition:
1) Vision...
As the neuro-ophthalmologist had predicted, Mordy's vision has changed (hopefully for the better). He realized that the prisms weren't working, so he tried to make a follow up appointment with the neuro-ophthalmologist. But that doctor was on vacation for 2 weeks. His staff gave Mordy a list of other doctors to choose from. So he went to a new doctor, Jonathan Fishbein, who we happened to know from when our son Isaac and his son Sam were in daycare together from age 2 to age 5.
Dr. Fishbein gave Mordy an incredibly thorough exam--more than the previous doctor had done.
He discovered that Mordy has a macular pucker, which can sometimes lead to macular degeneration, in his right eye. Apparently Mordy's brain had been compensating for the loss of vision in that eye, but with the stroke, his brain had so much else to do that it could no longer compensate for the vision loss. Mordy has contrast problems in the right eye, but acuity is normal. This means that the world looks a bit dimmer and stranger on his right side, but he is still able to distinguish shapes and movement very well. In fact, the overall vision in that eye can be corrected to 20/15. This accounts for Mordy's continued ability to both read and write, while insisting that his world looks weird on the right side.
Mordy is going to see a retinal specialist next week to evaluate the status of the macular pucker and to determine what can be done. But in the meantime he has an excellent new prescription (with new bilateral prisms) and is compensating nicely by positioning himself to the right of things and peering out at them to the left. I guess you already knew that Mordy's vision was skewed to the left, it's just truer now...
:)
2) Therapy improvements...
When Mordy first started physical therapy, they evaluated him using a 30 point scale. The first time they tested him, he got a 12. After 7 sessions, he scored 17. Yesterday when he reached a score of 21, he finally fell into the range of acceptable function limits (ie your ability to do stuff on your own), which is anything above 20. He is still determined to get up to 30, but you can see how much he has improved already.
3) Getting around:
Mordy brought his bicycle to therapy last week and rode around, inside and outside, with a group of therapists all around him to make sure he didn't fall. He didn't. He is excited to be back on his bike and looks forward to using it again in September when he returns to teaching at JTS.
Mordy is also getting tested for being able to drive again. He passed the first half of the evaluation and will have the second half this coming Tuesday. Once he passes that, he'll have the actual road test at JFK. If he passes that, he'll be able to drive.
---
As for me, I am happy to be back with the boys, and with Mordy. The boys enjoy day camp and I am still working 1/2 days at Hillel. Isaac (age 9) leaves on Tuesday for 3.5 weeks at Camp Ramah (sleepaway camp) and he is very excited about it. Mordy and I had a date last week (went to see the 60th anniversary edition of the movie Singing in the Rain, which was playing one night only at a local movie theater) and we have a date tomorrow night (our season tickets to NJ Shakespeare).
I am enjoying the summer. Thanks for reading...
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
The Urge to Erg
Late on Monday night, Matt Hale brought me his rowing machine. Earlier in the day, my physical therapist approved me for such a machine. For those not in the know, this machine is commonly referred to as an erg. This is a shortening of the longer word, "ergometer." The philologist in me can't stop from telling you that "ergo" comes from the Greek word for energy, and "meter" comes from the word for measurement. So these machines are designed to measure the energy that one expends in rowing. Usually, elite athletes, most often on crew teams, use them to improve their performance.
I'm using this machine for a very different purpose. First of all, it is a full body workout, that improves strength, balance, and coordination. I'm still pretty good on the first of these three, though I can always use work on strength, but I still need lots of work on the last two. Right now, I'm using the machine three times a day for about 10 min. each time. I'm also trying to keep the energy level up to about an average of 600 cal per hour.
The physical therapist recommended this machine for a number of reasons. some of them I laid out above, but this one you will love: When I'm finished, I'm already sitting down close to the ground, and there is no fear of a fall after exertion. With an elliptical machine (which I did get approved for also, after a very unpleasant 10 min. of bouncing up and down on the machine – talk about vertigo!) there's usually no place to sit down immediately afterwards. How do you spell, "fall risk?" A stationary bike is better, since I'm sitting when finished, but I'm still pretty high up from the ground.
I really like the erg and I'm using it quite a bit. Of course, I have other exercises (some of them very tough) that the physical therapist has given me. But right now, I'm very excited to use the erg.
My goal, is eventually to get my energy average up to 1000 cal per hour, but I don't think I'll reach that for a while. I'm also hoping to get up to 20 min. per time, three times per day. According to the physical therapist, I should take things easy, and I am, but she also said that the more I use this machine and do my other exercises the more quickly my balance and coordination will return.
My vision is also improving, to such an extent that the occupational therapist recommended that I change the prisms on my glasses. Great news! Unfortunately, my ophthalmic neurologist is on vacation right now. So we'll have to wait until he returns. Oh well, לאט, לאט as they say in the holy tongue.
Esther is in Israel right now, so my mom is here, which is great. We've spent lots of time together and had great conversations. Today we had sushi for lunch together, and that was a lot of fun. She's really enjoying her grandkids, and helping me to keep the house clean enough so that Esther doesn't freak when she returns.
I'm feeling good right now, exercising, working hard, learning Mishnah, going through the Sifra, and preparing my syllabus is for the fall. The progress is good. But it isn't a straight progression, and I want you to know that. Some days are better, some not as good. It's like one of those old stock charts, that shows an upward line, but with lots of dips in it. Things are getting better for sure. But as with anything important in life, it just takes the time it takes. That's all.
That's it for now, be well and think good thoughts. Kol tuv, Mordy
I'm using this machine for a very different purpose. First of all, it is a full body workout, that improves strength, balance, and coordination. I'm still pretty good on the first of these three, though I can always use work on strength, but I still need lots of work on the last two. Right now, I'm using the machine three times a day for about 10 min. each time. I'm also trying to keep the energy level up to about an average of 600 cal per hour.
The physical therapist recommended this machine for a number of reasons. some of them I laid out above, but this one you will love: When I'm finished, I'm already sitting down close to the ground, and there is no fear of a fall after exertion. With an elliptical machine (which I did get approved for also, after a very unpleasant 10 min. of bouncing up and down on the machine – talk about vertigo!) there's usually no place to sit down immediately afterwards. How do you spell, "fall risk?" A stationary bike is better, since I'm sitting when finished, but I'm still pretty high up from the ground.
I really like the erg and I'm using it quite a bit. Of course, I have other exercises (some of them very tough) that the physical therapist has given me. But right now, I'm very excited to use the erg.
My goal, is eventually to get my energy average up to 1000 cal per hour, but I don't think I'll reach that for a while. I'm also hoping to get up to 20 min. per time, three times per day. According to the physical therapist, I should take things easy, and I am, but she also said that the more I use this machine and do my other exercises the more quickly my balance and coordination will return.
My vision is also improving, to such an extent that the occupational therapist recommended that I change the prisms on my glasses. Great news! Unfortunately, my ophthalmic neurologist is on vacation right now. So we'll have to wait until he returns. Oh well, לאט, לאט as they say in the holy tongue.
Esther is in Israel right now, so my mom is here, which is great. We've spent lots of time together and had great conversations. Today we had sushi for lunch together, and that was a lot of fun. She's really enjoying her grandkids, and helping me to keep the house clean enough so that Esther doesn't freak when she returns.
I'm feeling good right now, exercising, working hard, learning Mishnah, going through the Sifra, and preparing my syllabus is for the fall. The progress is good. But it isn't a straight progression, and I want you to know that. Some days are better, some not as good. It's like one of those old stock charts, that shows an upward line, but with lots of dips in it. Things are getting better for sure. But as with anything important in life, it just takes the time it takes. That's all.
That's it for now, be well and think good thoughts. Kol tuv, Mordy
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Anger and Gratitude
Hello all, this is Mordy talking. Esther is in Israel, and so I'm taking over for a while. Her blog posts have been very good (at least I've enjoyed reading them). I hope that I'll live up to the high standard that she's already set.
Today I wanted to talk about something that surprised me recently. In general, people who know me, I think, would describe me as relatively laid-back and even keeled. That is to say, at least before the stroke, I didn't get angry very easily.
But recently, on at least two occasions, I have sort of blown up at people who probably didn't deserve it. I'm not going to mention the circumstances, because that would reveal who these people are. But suffice it to say that both of these people had good intentions, were trying to help me, and I found it annoying. In both cases, I responded inappropriately.
I see two things going on here: the first, is that I have a very hard time accepting help. Even in these kinds of circumstances. And this feeling becomes all the more intense as I become more and more capable of doing things for myself. And now, there are all sorts of things that I can do. I can cook, clean, read, write, shop, make my own way to the doctor (at least one in town), and basically make my own way in life. Walking is still difficult, serious exercise just a step below impossible, and I cannot drive myself anywhere (which I find terribly frustrating). But all this progress is great! It's also a bit deceiving. I look and talk like myself, I feel like myself, but I'm still limited. And I find myself bumping up against the limits all the time.
Now, I have always been an independent person. I don't know if it's because I was an only child, or if it's because it was the way I was raised, or if it's just part of my personality. But I am, I know, fiercely independent. I'm gratified that people have helped me so much. And I would deeply want to thank all the people who are giving me rides on a daily basis. But none of that takes my frustration away. So, I am frustrated. And I'm trying to learn patience in the face that frustration.
The second thing that's going on is something I didn't realize until this weekend. I am angry. I'm angry that I had a stroke at 40. I'm angry that I spent so much time on my diet and my health and I still had a stroke at 40. I think that anger has come out on at least two occasions and zapped people who were in the way. I do feel bad about that. But I think both of those people understand what's going on.
I'm reminded of the story of Uzza which is early on in the second book of Samuel. He and his family are taking the holy Ark up to Jerusalem on a cart. As the Ark begins to slip off the back of the cart, Uzza reaches out to to halt its fall. This seems reasonable. The Ark shouldn't hit the ground, right? But of course, the power of the holy Ark is such that Uzza is wiped out of existence; just zapped and gone. No real fault of his own, but you don't muck around with divine power. Maybe my anger functions like this. It's a powerful thing to be angry. Anger can be a great motivational force. And I am using it in my physical therapy to keep me going when I get tired. But power is power, and sometimes innocent folks get in the way.
So I'm working on my anger. I'm seeing someone (someone professional) to talk these issues through. I think that's wise. Don't you?
But if you do see me, and I do seem suddenly angry to you, then I hope you'll understand the reason why. I hope you'll forgive me as I work these things out.
(Oh, and by the way, I should probably mention that I'm grateful to be alive. I'm also grateful that I have an Address for my gratitude. I continue to find my religious life of great consolation in the face of all these troubles. Part of the problem here is, probably, that I haven't yet found an address for my anger.)
Two more things: I really do want to thank everyone who has contacted me and given me wishes of love and support. I have enormously appreciated all the support, whether material or moral. And I cannot thank all of you enough.This community, whether here in Highland Park, or around the world has embraced us and helped us to find our way in a very dark time. I thank you all for the kindness, generosity, and true lovingkindness that you have shown us.
Lastly, I really need to think Esther, who saved my life, and is the love of my life. My progress is her progress. The support you have given her is just as important as the support you have given me. The words are not adequate, but I thank Esther as publicly as I can for the love and support that she has given me over the last few weeks, and over the course of our lives together.
Kol tuv,
Mordy
Today I wanted to talk about something that surprised me recently. In general, people who know me, I think, would describe me as relatively laid-back and even keeled. That is to say, at least before the stroke, I didn't get angry very easily.
But recently, on at least two occasions, I have sort of blown up at people who probably didn't deserve it. I'm not going to mention the circumstances, because that would reveal who these people are. But suffice it to say that both of these people had good intentions, were trying to help me, and I found it annoying. In both cases, I responded inappropriately.
I see two things going on here: the first, is that I have a very hard time accepting help. Even in these kinds of circumstances. And this feeling becomes all the more intense as I become more and more capable of doing things for myself. And now, there are all sorts of things that I can do. I can cook, clean, read, write, shop, make my own way to the doctor (at least one in town), and basically make my own way in life. Walking is still difficult, serious exercise just a step below impossible, and I cannot drive myself anywhere (which I find terribly frustrating). But all this progress is great! It's also a bit deceiving. I look and talk like myself, I feel like myself, but I'm still limited. And I find myself bumping up against the limits all the time.
Now, I have always been an independent person. I don't know if it's because I was an only child, or if it's because it was the way I was raised, or if it's just part of my personality. But I am, I know, fiercely independent. I'm gratified that people have helped me so much. And I would deeply want to thank all the people who are giving me rides on a daily basis. But none of that takes my frustration away. So, I am frustrated. And I'm trying to learn patience in the face that frustration.
The second thing that's going on is something I didn't realize until this weekend. I am angry. I'm angry that I had a stroke at 40. I'm angry that I spent so much time on my diet and my health and I still had a stroke at 40. I think that anger has come out on at least two occasions and zapped people who were in the way. I do feel bad about that. But I think both of those people understand what's going on.
I'm reminded of the story of Uzza which is early on in the second book of Samuel. He and his family are taking the holy Ark up to Jerusalem on a cart. As the Ark begins to slip off the back of the cart, Uzza reaches out to to halt its fall. This seems reasonable. The Ark shouldn't hit the ground, right? But of course, the power of the holy Ark is such that Uzza is wiped out of existence; just zapped and gone. No real fault of his own, but you don't muck around with divine power. Maybe my anger functions like this. It's a powerful thing to be angry. Anger can be a great motivational force. And I am using it in my physical therapy to keep me going when I get tired. But power is power, and sometimes innocent folks get in the way.
So I'm working on my anger. I'm seeing someone (someone professional) to talk these issues through. I think that's wise. Don't you?
But if you do see me, and I do seem suddenly angry to you, then I hope you'll understand the reason why. I hope you'll forgive me as I work these things out.
(Oh, and by the way, I should probably mention that I'm grateful to be alive. I'm also grateful that I have an Address for my gratitude. I continue to find my religious life of great consolation in the face of all these troubles. Part of the problem here is, probably, that I haven't yet found an address for my anger.)
Two more things: I really do want to thank everyone who has contacted me and given me wishes of love and support. I have enormously appreciated all the support, whether material or moral. And I cannot thank all of you enough.This community, whether here in Highland Park, or around the world has embraced us and helped us to find our way in a very dark time. I thank you all for the kindness, generosity, and true lovingkindness that you have shown us.
Lastly, I really need to think Esther, who saved my life, and is the love of my life. My progress is her progress. The support you have given her is just as important as the support you have given me. The words are not adequate, but I thank Esther as publicly as I can for the love and support that she has given me over the last few weeks, and over the course of our lives together.
Kol tuv,
Mordy
Esther's leaving for Israel
So I'm writing this jointly with Mordy tonight, as I prepare to leave for Israel. Mordy will be posting his thoughts periodically here while I am away. I'm sure his thoughts will be more theological than mine...but expect updates on his physical and mental state as well...
I'm going on a trip that is part of the Hartman Campus Fellowship, a new, prestigious fellowship for Hillel professionals. This professional development opportunity was something I couldn't pass up. I'll be traveling with 20 top-tier Hillel professionals from throughout the United States (and one from England) to Israel, studying for a week at the Hartman Institute, a premier center of Jewish learning in Israel. While I don't have a "bucket list," if I did, studying at Hartman would be on it!
My mother is taking the boys for a few days and then Mordy's mother is coming to stay at the house, so the kids and Mordy will be fine while I'm away.
My brother (with his wife and 2 girls) and sister (with her husband and son) came to visit this weekend. We enjoyed being together and they were happy to see Mordy. It was their first time seeing him since the stroke.
Mordy has started writing again for the first time since the stroke. He has been working on a paper that he hopes to turn into a larger article. He's very happy that he's been able to start writing again.
I'll be back on July 9...until then, updates are from Mordy.
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